I Machine Gunned A Squirrel Today!

Now I know why people buy airsoft rifles.

I went to the Verminator’s house this morning to show him how to start posting on the blog, and while we where drinking coffee and getting his account set up on the blog, a squirrel showed up in his backyard; too bad for the squirrel!

I was like, “Where’s your airsoft rifle?”

“In the garage on the workbench.”

“Is it loaded? Are the batteries charged?” I asked, as I started towards the garage door.

“Yea, just make sure you’re actually smart enough to use it without shooting yourself.”

I hate it when he gets all superior, I’ve only shot myself a couple of times, and that was to see if it really hurt as much as I remembered. (The first time I was drunk and wasn’t sure… It’s just airsoft, right? The second time I was sober, and it hurt like hell!)

I got his airsoft rifle out of the garage, which is a copy of an HK93 with a full auto and single shot selector switch; the rifle, not the garage. I switched it to full auto and eased the sliding door open to the backyard.

“How does this thing shoot,” I asked, “do I hold dead on at 20 yards, or should I shoot high?”

The Verminator’s like, “it’s an airsoft rifle, shoot 4 inches high and you should do just fine.”

So, I held 4 inches high and machine gunned the squirrel. Man I’ve got to get an airsoft rifle. That squirrel was dancing and twitching and all kinds of pissed off. It’s the most fun I’ve had in town since they outlawed shooting within the city limits.(I was still within the city limits, but no one could hear me shooting the squirrel, so no one called the cops like they usually do when I shoot in my backyard.)

The squirrel took a couple to the chest and head, and then ran up the fence and into the tree. I then snuck around the yard to where I could get another shot at him, and machine gunned him in the butt as he ran up the tree. (Can you really sneak up on a squirrel when you’re 300 lbs? I’m pretty sure some 400lbs Arkansas backwoods trailer livin, squirrel eatin, moonshine swillin, Bubba’s going to tell me 300lbs sneaks good, just ask his wife, so never mind.)

The squirrel then jumped on the telephone wire and headed down the street. I tried hitting him again, but from the sound down the street, I hit some lady and her kids, so I ducked back into the house ASAP and pretended I’d never been outside and didn’t know why a whole family had big red welts on the back of their heads and necks.

The Verminator and I got the web thing figured out, and I went home, but that airsoft rifle is calling me. I might have to get one, mount a video camera to it, and start shooting squirrels in town on a regular basis. (Quietly of course… Don’t want the cops showing up… Again. LOL)


Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.