Hi, I’m a squirrel. It’s so cold out here I can’t feel my nuts. I mean I can’t feel them through the snow. I mean I can’t find my nuts under this cold snow… You know what I mean damnit.
Look at that nice warm church over there. God loves all his furry creatures, so I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if I went over and got warm in his church.
Ahhhhh! What’s that noise? No, it can’t be! God wouldn’t let me get run over by a huge-assed garbage truck when I was going over to his house to warm my nuts….
Ahhhhhh, this can’t be happening to me!
I feel funny, like I’m not in my body any more. Drifting… Drifting…. It’s not cold or anything anymore, just….
HEY, WHAT THE &@# JUST HAPPENED? IS THAT ME DOWN THERE? I LOOK LIKE A SQUIRREL PANCAKE! I’M NOT READY TO DIE. NOOOOOOOOOO!
YOU BETTER DRIVE FAST MISTER GARBAGE MAN! I’M GOING TO HUNT YOU DOWN M********** ********* AND KILL YOU AND YOUR WHOLE ***** $#@*%*#$@** FAMILY!
(See, even God thinks killing squirrels is funny…)