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Hi, I’m a squirrel. It’s so cold out here I can’t feel my nuts. I mean I can’t feel them through the snow. I mean I can’t find my nuts under this cold snow… You know what I mean damnit.

Look at that nice warm church over there. God loves all his furry creatures, so I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if I went over and got warm in his church.

Ahhhhh! What’s that noise? No, it can’t be! God wouldn’t let me get run over by a huge-assed garbage truck when I was going over to his house to warm my nuts….

Ahhhhhh, this can’t be happening to me!

SPLAT!

I feel funny, like I’m not in my body any more. Drifting… Drifting…. It’s not cold or anything anymore, just….

HEY, WHAT THE &@# JUST HAPPENED? IS THAT ME DOWN THERE? I LOOK LIKE A SQUIRREL PANCAKE! I’M NOT READY TO DIE. NOOOOOOOOOO!

YOU BETTER DRIVE FAST MISTER GARBAGE MAN! I’M GOING TO HUNT YOU DOWN M********** ********* AND KILL YOU AND YOUR WHOLE ***** $#@*%*#$@** FAMILY!

(See, even God thinks killing squirrels is funny…)

Squirrel Sniper

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Exploding Squirrels

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This entry was posted on Monday, December 10th, 2007 at 10:06 pm and is filed under Exploding Squirrels. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.