God Hates Squirrels Too

Hi, I’m a squirrel. It’s so cold out here I can’t feel my nuts. I mean I can’t feel them through the snow. I mean I can’t find my nuts under this cold snow… You know what I mean damnit.

Cold squirrel thinking about getting warm.

Look at that nice warm church over there. God loves all his furry creatures, so I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if I went over and got warm in his church.

Look at that nice warm church over there.

Ahhhhh! What’s that noise? No, it can’t be! God wouldn’t let me get run over by a huge-assed garbage truck when I was going over to his house to warm my nuts….

Ahhhhhh, this can’t be happening to me!

SPLAT!

Look, a dead squirrel in front of the church.

I feel funny, like I’m not in my body any more. Drifting… Drifting…. It’s not cold or anything anymore, just….

Another angle of the dead squirrel in front of the church.

HEY, WHAT THE &@# JUST HAPPENED? IS THAT ME DOWN THERE? I LOOK LIKE A SQUIRREL PANCAKE! I’M NOT READY TO DIE. NOOOOOOOOOO!

Closeup of the dead squirrel in front of the church.

YOU BETTER DRIVE FAST MISTER GARBAGE MAN! I’M GOING TO HUNT YOU DOWN M********** ********* AND KILL YOU AND YOUR WHOLE ***** $#@*%*#$@** FAMILY!

(See, even God thinks killing squirrels is funny…)

Squirrel Sniper

3 Responses to “God Hates Squirrels Too”

  1. justinm-midwest says:

    Nice. lmao

  2. CHUBBS says:

    OMG!! ROTFLMAO!!!

  3. brian hayes says:

    hey, this thing is hilarious. i mean, everyone hates squirrelas but now i realize even God hates them too.

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